NOTE TO SELF and for those who have a great HABIT  recalling the BAD times and playing it OVER and OVER again...

Take time to remember the GOOD times and PLAY it over and over again...
The last 24 hours...

I am grateful for Arvacska and Babuci.
Two powerful WOMEN, who try to live life with no FEAR.
I had the most AMAZING night learning, laughing, being!
Friends are IMPORTANT. ( Thanks Chiara, Ilze and Mhairi for thinking of me - I love you) xxx

I am grateful for the summer SKY.
DARK like my DEEPEST corners - filled with STARS,  like little HOPES shining trough our SOULS. I smiled and realized that without DARKNESS we cannot see the STARS.Without our deepest corners our hopes cannot shine through....

I am grateful for the 1800s room that held my dream.
The VULGAR painting with Pinoccio’s “ nose” (COCK) greeting the woman’s blossoming VAGINA….

I LOVED walking home bare footed…reminded me of Thailand! One day I will go back again….

I am grateful for my MOTHER’S smile when I arrived home 12 hours later then expected (11am lunchtime, INSTEAD of 11pm last night).

I am grateful for my mum’s cappuccino (mmmmmm, I can still taste the coffee…reminds me of Lisbet and Theresa, who taught me how to make the BEST cappuccino with fluffy cream , CINNAMON and chocolate powder – ENJOY the simple pleasures of human existence.

I am grateful for the ENERGY that the 3 UNINVITED relatives brought with them THIS MORNING…. They were the BEST surprise and BLESSING. The house was filled with  their LOVE, HOPE, TEARS and LAUGHTER.

I was reminded that we are all the SAME in our DIFFERENCES :)

I am happy that ROZSI looked in my eyes and said:
“ Oh, Tekla I can SEE everything. You are so OPEN. Too open! You can get HURT. Maybe don’t look too long in peoples' eyes and BLINK away, otherwise they will know and see how to TRICK you.”

All I said. “ I decided to OPEN my EYES, HEART and ARMS a while ago….” She nodded…”That is the true way of LIVING”. 

Well, for sure I have experienced some HIGHS and LOWS in my 30 years, but I regret NOTHING....well, maybe one thing: Why did I not tease mum a bit longer about the CONDOM on the flute ;) ?

We all HUGGED and said goodbye 10 times….after which MUM, BABUCI AND I sat down by the PIANO and mum started playing.

This is NOT MUM. Just the song....My friend and I were singing like there is NOOOO TOMORROW...Oh Amelie.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C93Yft3bU_Q&feature=related and I DANCED like a child who has no fear….. after which I pretended that I am a conductor bringing sweet music to the Albert Hall.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N00XKtROddc

THE PHONE RANG! I jumped into another dimension.
It was G. He told me that he LOVES me….

If you ALLOW yourself and others to GROW with little expectation MAGIC will unfold.

Well, sometimes GOOD things come ALL at the same time...or MAYBE the good things are ALWAYS HERE, we just choose not to see them (?)

Today I choose to OPEN my EYES!

126 DAYS

I found this today "You are a talented writer, too bad you didn't continue also sharing here your thoughts. There are people who care and read you"
 
I was reminded that I must write and not go into another 18 weeks of silence....so here I am....This post is for you Anonymous. Thank you for your words. They came exactly when I needed them.I always believed that we only need ONE person to believe in us and that is enough to set the fire.....

126 days since my last post....
126 days. FRIENDS became strangers. STRANGERS became friends.
 New places became my HOME and my homes became my PRISON.

I traveled from France to Italy, from Norway to Holland....from Holland to France and Transylvania....On foot, by plane, boat, bus, car, bike.....and I learned the same lesson over and over again:

LOVE is knowing who you are.

LOVE is accepting it.
LOVE is sharing it.
LOVE is forgetting who we are.

LOVE is knowing who the other is.
LOVE is accepting the other.
LOVE is realising that the other is you.
LOVE is.

 Good night xx

49 DAYS 13 DESTINATIONS

From SUN to SUN!

Thailand to Antibes…

49 days ago I just arrived to Thailand and I never thought that a few months later I’ll be living on a boat in the South of France and listening to “Jazz in Paris – Improvisations” by Stephane Grappelli and meditating by the sea every morning.

But before I tell you more, let me say THANK YOU for a few of you for being there for me. By the way the “Thank you list” is pretty long, so feel free to just skip it…..

THANK YOU!  WE ARE ALL A REFLECTION OF EACHOTHER!

Thank you for the cuddles, laughter, kindness and all the naughty stuff that I can’t possibly  mention here and now. Thank you for being there! 

Merci beaucoup Kirsty White, Jean Marc for making me feel home on your boat and for everything else. Thanks for being real!You opened up a new world to me. Thanks Fifi for teaching me patience.

MASSIVE thank you for Natalie McViking for being kind and carring.You were the bridge between my destinations, the link between dream and reality.  Thank you.

Thanks for all the French Man walking down the streets of Antibes.You make me feel alive, sexy and desirable. J'adore! x

Mhairi Smith you rock! You are an amazing friend. Always there when needed. Always! Giles Cooper! My admiration for you grows every day. And your sudden idea of me being in Antibes is my reality now! Thanks for the thought!

Grazie Chiara Vergani for teaching me the Italian way! You are a great friend and amazing travel agent.

Alessandro! Alessandro Repetto! You need a separate chapter in my blog. “The Italian case.” Grazie for everything! I am very grateful, even for the “bad” times.

Stevan Cyril Miller. Thank you for the best curry ever and the cuddles. You made me feel safe.

Peter Antonio Marie you made me love Dutch people even more. Thank you for making my time in Phi Phi memorable…..Thank you for your e-mails and music…They are perfectly timed and always bring smile to my heart.

Bas Koning. Thank you for reminding me how much I love singing. I recorded the original version of the "Csitari hegyek alatt" which I will send you via FB sometimes.

Sonia, Ilze , Lisa, Era, Sukhi and Magdi! 

You are beautiful, strong, graceful women who I am proud to know. I love your energy, your determinations, your zest for life.

Nick and Rufus. Thanks for making the “ move” effortless while I am away.

I have a lot of love and time for both of you. Thank you! x

Thanks MUM for being selfless and consistent recently.

I really LOVE you. Thanks for the GRATUTUDE JOURNAL.

I am sure it helps you as much as it helps me…

DAD? You are one of the kindest and most helpful people I have ever met.

Thank you for reminding me how important it is to look after others.

BACK TO THE STORY……49 DAYS 13 DESTINATIONS

Liverpool to  Manchester  > Dubai  > Bangkok  > Krabi  > Ao Luk >  Phi Phi  > Phuket  > Bangkok > Dubai  > Manchester  > Chester  > London  >  Transylvania  > Milan  > Antibes…the journey never ends!

7 weeks = 1.176 hours of joy, adventure, lots of traveling in and outside myself, incredible new cultures, wonderful new and old friends, inspiring moments, kind kindred spirits and very few visits from the old gloom. Some profound pain ( Wow…this lyric is just on now “Pain is part of process of revelations. Stay on the road” ….love these little signs!)

Lots of growing and loving!

For a moment I slightly regret not documenting these 7 weeks, especially Thailand as one of the initial purposes of the blog was to track my feelings and my thoughts hoping that what I find will be useful for me and others….I just got caught up in the moment and I had little time to reflect and write. I realised that the PAST fades away ever so quickly. Feelings transform and their significance has a different meaning in the NOW.

When I go to India I’d like to capture the energy of the NOW…the glow that sparkles in every moment - the sharpness of the feelings when they just feel like coming into existence lighting up every single dark corner, shifting every old useless pattern and breathing life into the soul.

ONE STEP!

My “30 days before I am 30” journey turned out to be the most amazing period in my life. Each day something reminds me of the lesson I learned. It is not about the destination - it is about the journey OR I should say It is as much about the journey as it is about the destination. 

It is about each and every step. Each and every breath, each and every glimpse in an other person’s eyes…each and every sound, each and every stroke…….ONE STEP AT A TIME as Juan said it a  few months ago…

ADVENTURE! BE A CHILD! LOOSE FEAR!

Yesterday morning I needed some adventure, so I climbed some rocks by the sea: scary ones...nothing to hold onto, hidden gaps, deep caves, slippery surfaces! 

Every step I was risking my life!

I had to concentrate on ONE step at a time. My heart was beating fast!

Pulsating sweat dripping down my back: ”What if I cannot get out at the end? What if I have to turn all the way back? What if I slip? There is no-one else around.“ 

My creepy thoughts were suspended by an unexpected splash of wave!!!! Boooomm!!
Fresh, cold and completely wet, I started laughing!

The feeling took over my thought and whispered: “Don’t be afraid! Just enjoy and be playful”.

I looked up to the sky…it was like standing between two seas. One above and one underneath me, both holding the proud SUN that was shining through me. 

Shining into my soul. 

Just feel and be on the step you are on now. It was a sweet reminder...And the rocks suddenly became stones…small little fluffy stones and I felt like jumping joyfully without fear….I was safe…I was a jumping child by the beach who does not know fear……I was free in the moment…I was the jumper, the rock, the sea…I was ONE.

ONLY THE STILLNESS IN YOU CAN PERCEIVE THE SILENCE OUTSIDE…

It is now over 30 days after my birthday and I am still traveling and embracing the unknown…sometimes with joy, sometimes with fear, but always with curiosity.

There is something rather mischievous in the UNKNOWN…I smile and I let go.

Every morning I remind myself to trust and surrender.

You and I are already whole and we do not need to chase after anything in order to be complete. Listen to your feelings, rather than your thoughts and there you will find your truth.

SNAPSHOTS....

It is perfect. 

I need nothing else. 

No-one else.

Reading Osho, listening to Nitin Sawhney "Homeland. Smooth check in. The airport was full of kind people from the cleaner to the security lady from the girls at the check in desk to the handsome Pedro from Mauritius, who I flirted with easily. I felt like the most beautiful woman. I was the most beautiful me. I smiled with ease  and grace and said goodbye...

I just slowed down. Way down and I felt content. 
Effortless steps....effortless journey....raindrop on a rose petal....I am a star in a million. Bright. Small. Pretty.Distant, yet close enough for you to reach me.

5.23 am in the UK. 

9.23am in Dubai.

12.23pm in Bangkok. 

Arriving to Dubai felt like entering another "sacred gate".  On the way we flew right above my home town. I was closer to home than I thought I would ever be. The sky trembled. I smiled....I guess it is a reminder from the gods that I am safe. I am home....The energy hit me. 
Dubai waiting lounge with a hundred Thai people. Between flights. Listening to Vivaldi "Four Seasons". Watching people. Thai people are beautiful. I felt instantly connected to their authenticity. 

And my mind just jumped into another world. I miss Rufus and the boys. I miss them every day. Thousand times. And more!  I consciously force myself to not practice sadness and practice and embrace "change". There is a rush of unconditional love.....Sometimes is is easy to love the whole world, but takes courage to love one person.

I have been slightly closed up to people. But it feels right.  The thought that I do not know where I will be staying tonight slightly scares me. Where to stay? In Bangkok? Should I go to Krabi? Where is Krabi? How far? When you have little money you get more scared. But then....."What is the worst that could happen?"

For a person who likes plans (ok, I admit I became control freak over the years) this approach felt more comfortable....I haven't done any research about Thailand. I wanted to experience it, feel it, see it, live with fresh eyes and open soul. No expectations. 

As I was thinking about my journey and life, I wondered: If we don't have a plan or goal in life does that mean that we are wasting opportunities and just wondering around, missing out.....OR we are free to do whatever comes in our way?

What if nothing comes? Or what if what comes is not what we want?

I had a lot of questions and most of them have been answered in the last few days. Lost some of my old habits. They are not coming back:) And if they do, I will accept them, embraced them and asked them to get the f..k out of my system:) 

Learned about real friendship....and danced! Oh, I love dancing.....just me and the music....I become the music. Every beat and rhythm!

Nick asked me a few days ago: "Why do I feel the need to be so open in my blog?" He wasn't judging me. He was open to listen to my answer. That made me at ease and allowed me to really think about the question without defending myself. 

He continued: " Some people think it is a weakness and some consider it strength". At this point all I knew, that for me it feels just right and natural and I don't feel the need to analyse it further. The reasons behind it are pointless. What people think isn't important either. The only responsibility I have is to be true to myslef and do what feels right in the moment.....

Hence I have been quiet for a while. Had a lot of beautiful moments in the last few days. Real gifts....but I didn't feel the need to share them.....they were mine....as this is mine too.....

I just called my mom. 

She is afraid. 

I am out of a safety cage and I am in a new one:)  

Yet I feel safer than I have ever been before. 

I am not afraid of the unknown....I am going for it with all my heart.......and when I tremble I get a gift from Osho....just when I am about to get scared he says to me: 

" Love is very rare.To meet a person at his centre is to pass through a revolution, because if you want to meet a  person at his centre you will have to allow that person to reach your centre. You will have to become vulnerable, absolutely vulnerable, open......The love orientated person is not afraid of the future....don't be bothered about the results. That is the fear orientated mind. Don't think about what will happen. Just be here and act totally. Don't calculate. A fear orientated man is always calculating, planning, arranging, safeguarding. His whole life is lost this way. 

Love can only happen when there is no fear. When you are not afraid there is nothing to hide...."

Photos from the Grand Temple...My unknown friend Gigi and his gifts...Massage and eating bugs....12 hour joyful bus-ride and Thai traditions.....Loving life as it is....Because the past is not in the present....We only have what is here with us right now! Don't be afraid of letting go! 

Day 15/30

Between Destinations...
(Check out video at the bottom of this post)

The last week has been intense. Overwhelmed with joy and sorrow. I couldn't write...It was just pure existence...Feeling, living everything as it is.....and a lot of processing afterward:)

Right now is 9.30am here in Thailand. I woke up with the sun and went for a run followed by a short meditation and yummy breakfast:honey pancakes with pineapple and watermelon.

Just about to have my introduction at GVI's base-camp with Apple, Leila  and Steve and I wanted to share this video with you before jotting down the rest of my thoughts from the last few days....

I will be back....have a lovely day everyone....

Manchester to Bangkok (click on text to see video)

What would YOU like to do before your next birthday?

DAY 7 and 8....22 days to go until I am 30!! 

Today's question: What would YOU like to do before your next birthday?

The last two days have been fun and blessings! So much happened that I can't even begin to share it with you. Got it all documented on film,  so once I figure out how to  transfer the content from James' camera, you'll be able to see it!
I also finished one of my books today (I hardly finish a book...I start several, but never actually read it from start to finish). But this one I did" The Power of NOW". Wow!Wow!Wow! I still owe you a story that changed my life. It is a story about this book that connected random people at random times in the last 6 months...But today I'd like to share something else with you...
 

What would YOU like to do before your next birthday?

In the last 10 years or so every year on my birthday I wrote a list of things that I wanted to do before my next birthday!

So when I was 28, I set 28 challenges that I wanted to do before I turned 29.  When I was 29, I wrote down 29 things that I wanted to accomplish before becoming 30 and so on. I shared this idea with a lot of my friends and we have been having heaps of fun on the way! We inspire each other with our lists! We swap ideas, we do things together, we do things separately! We laugh, we learn, we explore things about ourselves and about our friendships!

Would you like to join us?
I would LOVE you to say “YES”!

If this is something that excites you, forget the reasons why you wouldn’t do it now and TELL me the reasons why YOU would!
You can do it on your own, but trust me things are more fun when done collectively!

We are all different people, different ages with different backgrounds and goals.Yet, we are all the SAME! 

We all want to be accepted, loved! We have desires and dreams! We all want to live a Happier Life!

I really do believe that LISTS like this (if done with our hearts and not with our egos) can bring positive change into our lives when we need direction. Reading my friends lists has opened my horizons about other people’s priorities at different stage in their lives....

And EVERY list that I read was PERFECT and UNIQUE, because it was about WHO YOU ARE! About WHAT you want!

So stay connected and start your list today and share it with me!

There are some unwritten rules about THE LIST, which I learned in the last 10 years that I’d like to share with you:

1. REALISTIC GOALS: Goals are important, HOWEVER what is MORE important that they are realistic and achievable…No point putting pressure on yourself. After all it is all about the journey, not about the destination.

2. FUN GOALS: Set some FUN goals! Play and laugh! In life nothing is so serious that you can’t laugh about it!

3.  CHANGE/ SWAP/ SHARE/ POSTPONE!

If you change your mind about your list for whatever reason, just do it. It is YOUR list!
If someone else’ idea seems more exciting just DO theirs.
If your list and your friend list has similar challenges just DO IT TOGETHER and share it!
If you couldn’t TICK all the things you have planned, just take it to your next year's birthday list, or just be happy for the ones you have done!

4. NO LIST/ HELP! If you started a list and half way through you realise that you are not a LIST person, that’s ok too! It is ALL about doing what is BEST FOR YOU! Maybe you can help someone else to do theirs.

WITH or WITHOUT lists - enjoy YOUR JOURNEY!

5. LET’S DO IT NOW:

For those of you who would like to do this, this is what I propose:

STEP 1.  Take a look at my list for some ideas and inspiration.

STEP 2. I’d like you to take 10 minutes and write down what would YOU like to do and either post it to THIS blog or e-mail it to me with your and birthday date to tekla@teklasimo.co.uk

STEP 3: I will post ALL lists and we can start sharing, swapping, commenting and doing things together!

We could follow one another’s progress! Support each other when we feel less motivated! We can learn and explore! 

We can become MORE CONNECTED! 

Tekla x

A few ideas from my "27 things that I would love to do before I am 28" list:

1. Celebrate New Year in Madrid (done)

2. Get a payrise (done)

3. Be kind to yourself and others (tried hard)

4. Do something for charity ( done )

5. Make love on the beach (done)

6. Give up chocolate for a month (done)

7. Tell my loved ones how much I care about them ( not often enough)

8. Be more spontaneous ( I have been- still a lot to learn)

9. Dance in the middle of a shopping centre ( done 2 x)

10. Go to 6 gigs ( 4 gigs)

11. Get a  bike (done and now stolen)

12. Find LOVE! (did and I lost it)

13. Make people happy! ( ongoing)

14. Meditate regularly! (done)

15. Learn to cook 5 new dishes ( I guess....)

16. Say "yes" all day for  a day! (yes, yes, yes)

and the list goes on......xx

Day 5 and 6 /30 - 21-22 February 2011, Liverpool

200 hours before flying to Thailand!!! Yuppee!!!

Distance between:

Manchester and Bangkok: 6000 miles (15 hours by plane)
Earth and Moon: 240 miles  (13.5 hours on a space shuttle)

Head and Heart: 18 inches ( For some it takes a lifetime) 

Today I am at peace. I thought nothing really special happened to me  in the last 2 days that is worth sharing as part of my 30 in 30 journey (by special I mean” exciting, stimulating" something that would keep you drawn in to read on...because this is written as much for me as it is for you). Than I realised that not every day has to be special. Sometimes the quiet, "boring" moments are the real special ones and they are equally part of the 30 in 30.

Why would you always live on a high? Why would I want to live a life where everything is controlled by me? Where there is always somewhere to go....something to do..someone to meet...Where I know exactly what happens and how? 

Why not just be?

I traveled very little in my life, yet I consider myself a traveler. I have not traveled around the world, yet I have traveled the world within myself. I do believe that the biggest journey of One’s life is the journey within! 

Mine started  nearly 16 years ago, when I picked up a pen and wrote the first page of my journal. Since then I have never stopped. Hundreds of pages that hold all my habits, dramas, thoughts and joys...love stories...struggles...evolving, growing and loving!

My journey from head to heart

I found and lost myself through LOVE again and again and again...  mum use to tell me: "Tekla, some people wait for a lifetime and not find the love you have found with your partners". So on those days when I don't know what to write to you I will share my love stories. The ones that made me feel alive and lost at the same time...the ones that life is worth living....

Reaction button. I set up a new reaction button under each post. Please take a moment and click on it and let me know whether you found my post:

1. interesting 2. cool 3. funny (these were the only options) or just leave any comment or your own strory as I am excited to hear you.....thank you x