DAY 2/30

POOL AND BOYS!
18^th February - 29 days until I am 30 years old.

I woke up in an empty bed with an empty heart in someone else’s house. I missed my bed. I missed the morning whisper in my ears. I missed home.

I missed my piano. (My 1940’s Seeger, which was a Christmas gift from James a few years ago. I remember thinking “I am either getting a ring or a car”.  I didn’t get a car or a ring, but James knew exactly what my soul needed: music! )

I miss my piano……
Oh, I love just stepping out of bed…half naked…half asleep….still dizzy from dreams....and letting my fingers find the music….music to find my heart.

I miss the things that I own, the things that I know.

Sometimes the unknown frightens me!

I need to get out! Out from the house! Out from my thoughts! Dress up!  Close the door behind me and go for a run.
Just me and the wind....

I still find mornings hard.
I usually have EO (Emotional Overflow) for breakfast with a cup of hot milk. Tears come down my face. Thoughts form the past! Plastic poisoned passion pierced with paralysed pity. Purged by pride! Predictably possessive & perfectly pretty.

I started running.....I found myself in a park with 7 goal posts…. and I knew that I have arrived ….I started jumping form one goal post to the other. It took me a while until I could just hang and sway….Slightly embarrassed,  but too excited to care, I found myself doing cartwheels on an empty road….Oh, I felt wonderful and free! My prayers were heard! Joy embraced me!

Today is about me.Today is about you!

I am not selfish. I am self loving. It is a huge difference and luckily I recognised it.  I knew I wanted to write my blog, but had no energy for it. 

I knew that I had two parties to attend, but the first one turned out so good, that I never went to the other one. In life we make choices. Make them with your heart, not with your head.

The sun kissed the fool moon. The night was glowing...I was glowing! I really wanted to play pool. I was happy to go on my own, yet everyone was happy to join me…so we all went. I love games! I am competitive, but its more about the game then winning. It really is. (Yes Steve, it is).

I played for hours with Mike, Steve, Jack, Kevin ( a guy from Austria) than Achim and Dino (two guys from Algeria, who lived in Paris and now live in Liverpool). I had an amazing time. I felt happy, sexy, free. No make up. A pair of jeans, converse, a cotton top....my favourite leather bracelet and my pearl necklace and my new found "playful me" that I thought I have lost. 

I felt 4 minutes guilt for not attending the other party. I felt 3 minutes guilt of not doing my blog. I felt 5 hours of pleasure finally doing what I wanted in the moment. Play!

Do the things you love. Choose with your heart! x